The Role of My Mother

When I first found out about my mom's cancer diagnosis, one of my pastors gave me a book, "The Grief Recovery Handbook" by John W. James and Russell Friedman. The phrase: All relationships are unique, no exceptions. I took the information one step further -- all relationships are unique because each person in the relationship is unique.

Somehow, I started to think about the roles my mother has played at different times throughout my life. She has been a teacher, nurse, comforter, colleague, mentor, friend, parent, nurturer, protector, defender, disciplinarian. These roles are very similar to another parent, but that's another story for another time.

As a teacher, my mom taught me how to tie my shoes, bathe myself, dress myself, walk and chew gum (okay - that one needs some more work - haha), ride a bike. Later in life, she taught me how to drive a car, do laundry, cook, clean, and balance my checkbook (all without the aid of a calculator or computer software application program).

As long as I was in school, and dependent upon them for my basic needs, my mom was my parent, not my friend. We didn't "hang out" together on a regular basis. We didn't "giggle" like little girls together. She didn't go with me to roller skating parties or Saturday morning bowling. That's not to say she wasn't friendly. But, her role at that time in my life was as a parent. The friend would come later.

When I graduated from college, moved to Southern California with my parents, and began my career in civil service, we become colleagues. She always had the higher pay and the "manager" title that went with it. She was never my boss. We were never on the same program and I think we only attended one or two meetings together. We had separated our familial relationship at work where others had not. At work, she was Mary Jo. I referred to her as Mary Jo even though I never called her that to her face. At home, she was mom.

What roles has your mother played in your life? Have you thanked her? One year for my birthday, I sent my mother a rose for every year of my life. It's idea I borrowed from my high school speech teacher's son, who sent his mom one rose for every year of his life.

Our relationship hasn't always been easy. Again, that's another story for another time.

Suffice it to say, our relationship has weathered some pretty rough times.

Recently, I asked her her if there were any unresolved issues in our relationship. A topic broached only because of a broken relationship with one of her younger brothers. She said "no - we're okay." And, we are.

What kind of relationship do you have with your mom? If you have a broken relationship with your mother, daughter, sister, brother or anyone else, take the time now to resolve those issues, while you're both alive. As I've come to realize all too quickly these past few months, time is not always on our side.